Top 10 List If You Married An Alcoholic

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Now you realize you’ve married an alcoholic. You’re frustration no doubt has become a day to day thing. Here are the top 10 things you need to know to cope.

Number 10 Recognize Signs of Alcoholism

You may be uncertain if you’ve married and alcoholic because you are not sure about the signs of alcohol addiction.
Here is a simple list:

  • Increased tolerance
    It takes more alcohol now to reach the same effect as before
  • Physical, Academic/work, social harm as a result of using alcohol yet drinking continues.
  • Blackouts
    No recall of what happened after drinking episode. Often not knowing how he arrived home or who said what to whom
  • Withdrawal symptoms when not using
  • Early/Mid Day drinking

Number 9 Understand How Alcoholism Progresses

Alcoholism progresses along four major stages. They are:

  • Experimentation or social use for pleasure
  • Alcohol is used to achieve relief
  • Drinking to maintain or just to be okay
  • Alcohol is used as an escape from reality

Number 8 Understand what alcoholism does to a relationship

Alcoholism is like the other woman. Your alcoholic has a relationship with the alcohol. The characteristics you wish he thought about you he attributes to alcohol

Alcohol destroys relationships. Even when it seems a little booze helps to lighten things up it actually lowers inhibitions and allows for compromised judgment resulting in potential damage to the relationship.

Number 7 Know you’re options

I hear people who jump to the conclusion if you’re with an alcoholic, you must get out of the relationship. It’s not clear to me that’s the only or necessarily the better choice. It’s very much a personal decision.

Alcoholism is a disease. Many decide to be honest and open with their alcoholic and choose to stay in the relationship. If you married an alcoholic you might accept he has a disease and rather than leave partner with him to get the kind of help that makes a difference.

Number 6 Learn to set boundaries

You don’t have to be a door mat for your alcoholic. Set limits and manage the boundaries you set. There’s no reason to accept physical or verbal abuse. You cam decide what you will and won’t do in the relationship. For example I’ve known women who suggested intimacy isn’t available when intoxicated period.

Number 5 Learn assertiveness

In any relationship assertiveness is important but especially with you and your alcoholic.

The best way I know to describe it is having both your position and your alcoholic’s position represented accurately and then a decision made based upon that information.

To only take in to account your alcoholics position would be too passive. For only your position would be aggressive. Both taken into account represents an assertive position. Your decision is well informed and reasonable.

Number 4 Understand Withdrawal Symptoms

Withdrawal symptoms are often overlooked because your alcoholic uses to stop them from happening. If he goes without alcohol you may find him trembling, with sweats, possibly a fever and increase pulse rate.

For many alcoholics it’s important to be in a safe environment to actually withdraw entirely from alcohol. This is why a detox program is utilized for such purposes.

Number 3 Stop Making Excuses

I’m sure you’ve heard all of the excuses about why your alcoholic drinks. Some of them are allegedly…you! You may be guilty of making a few of them yourself like:

  • He works hard. He deserves a drink.
  • He just wants to unwind
  • He’s not hurting anyone
  • At least he drinks at home

ON the surface they all seem like they could be true. Then the truth about alcohol comes in and the are just excuses to avoid the addiction.

Put another way, does anyone deserve to drink until you’re falling down drunk?
Does unwind mean being lost in the bottle and unable to relate to the family?
Who ISN’T hurt by the excessive use of alcohol?
It wouldn’t matter whether at home or away, drunk is drunk, right?

See excuses make it so you can stay in denial of the truth about alcohol addiction.

Number 2 Stop Blaming

It’s easy to blame when it comes to alcohol. I’m sure your alcoholic finds many things to blame for excessive use of alcohol.

You may buy into it and blame family, friends or life situations for your alcoholic’s drinking. The truth is there’s no one responsible for your alcoholic’s drinking except for him. You are not! No matter how often you’ve been told.

When there’s an alcoholic in the home everyone needs to take full responsibility for what the think, feel, say or do. It’s the only way to be okay.

Number 1 STOP ENABLING

Above all others if you’re married to an alcoholic you MUST STOP ENABLING.

What is it? When you take on the responsibility for your alcoholic.

Things like:

  • Buying alcohol
  • Picking up the broken pieces broken by him
  • Excusing his behavior to family and friends
  • Calling in sick for him
  • Covering for his drunkenness
  • Pretending it’s not happening

If you have been helped by this article please leave a comment below and share it with at least two friends.




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Here’s What 2 Other People Thought...

  1. I feel I need to tap into support on a regular basis to enable me to set boundaries. mys on is an alcoholic and has just relapsed. he is 32 and very poorly.

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