The Alcoholic’s “Quick Fix” Hoax… Have You Fallen For This?

writing liar on paper

Alcoholics can paint a good “picture” about personal changes they’ll make. But will the “picture” actually be completed?

Maybe you’ve realized, because of past experiences with your alcoholic, that “quick fixes” don’t work!

Let me share a personal experience that I encountered recently that you might relate to.

For the past year I’ve worked with a friend of mine I’ve known for over 20 years. She almost let her husband’s alcoholism destroy her life.

Not long ago she decided to end the marriage, and through lawyers, paid him a lot of money to get out of her situation.

She finally had peace, and even decided to have plastic surgery. A few nips and tucks made her feel better and she was eager to start a new life.

Two days ago she contacted me and was doing great. Today, I got another email and her exact words were, “We’re getting back together because several things transpired very quickly.”

So why was that a “red flag?”

The word “quickly” caught my attention. I feel there’s no “quick fix” when it comes to an alcoholics behavior change.

Although I haven’t heard back, here are 3 questions I asked her in my reply.

What Have You Learned from the Past?

He’ll feel remorseful and sincere. Even though I believe she should have learned this lesson, she may not have.

I suspect she believes what he says, regardless of what she sees or doesn’t see (things done behind her back).

Alcoholics will say what you want to hear. How many times has your husband done that?

You don’t want to hear him tell you what he’s done. It’s time for him to take action.

You want to see his behavior match his words. Do you accept what he has to say, or do you want more?

Has His Behavior Been Consistent?

Change doesn’t happen overnight, or in a few days.

Sure, he may immediately begin to do things different, but what’s important is how long it will last.

My concern is that my friend is about to “step back into the fire.” I tried to convince her to give it more time to see if his words match his actions.

Is it Wishful Thinking?

She loves him, but doesn’t like his behaviors.

I learned a long time ago that it’s easy to be deceived when you want something to be true that isn’t (I feel everyone’s guilty of this occasionally).

She has hope and that’s good, but don’t you think it’s important to focus on reality and that in her situation she’s hoping for a quick fix?

Would you agree with me it’s time for her to quit “wishing”…look at the past…and give him time to be consistent in his behaviors?

If you’re going through a similar situation with your alcoholic husband, maybe it’s time to ask, will the picture really get painted?

I haven’t heard back from my friend. She may be upset and that’s okay, because sometimes the truth hurts.

Hopefully it will help you understand that “quick fixes” don’t work when it comes to an alcoholic husband’s behaviors.

What do you think about “quick fixes?” Let me know in the comments.

I’d love to hear your thoughts.


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Here’s What 2 Other People Thought...

  1. The thing is when you still love someone you always live with hope that one day things will change and when you hear other people`s stories about how situiations changed for them with alcoholics you think the same will happen with you and you decide to be patient, peservere and hope for the best and again if you are a christian and you really don`t like your alcoholics behaviour and when you read your bible and it tells you to forgive seventy times seven, you can keep on doing that and believing God will one day answer your prayers so when you see the quick fix you think that your prayers are being answered and of course Rome was not built in a day. You can keep on thinking it will get better each time.

    • Tom

      Hope is what keeps us going. Regardless of what choices the alcoholic in our lives makes, it’s hope that someday they’ll change allows us to persevere. That’s sure true that “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” Both recovery, and the peace and contentment of the loved one of the alcoholic, takes time. But sometimes anything worth having is worth waiting for. For anyone dealing with an alcoholic in their life…never give up hope!

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