The Alcoholic Relationship
At times in my life I’ve thought…
How did I get here.
These are times of introspection where I’ve examined my choices.
Some lead in positive ways while others not so well.
I’m sure when you took on the relationship with your alcoholic you didn’t plan for the journey you’ve taken.
Let’s examine some of the things you may have been looking for and what happened.
It shouldn’t seem like much to ask for. Just a little consistency in your world.
A regular job, income, place to live, family and friends.
What so hard about that?
In turn your alcoholic HAS provided consistency, only in a much more negative vein.
The consistent intoxication, missed family functions, broken promises and cover up for alcohol use just to mention a few.
The truth is your alcoholic can’t offer more because the lure of the next buzz is so strong it overpowers any other reasonable request.
I know security is a big issue, especially financial.
A place to live, food on the table; these are necessities.
Not unreasonable, right?
Your alcoholic is certainly predictable but not in the way you want or need.
The illness results in your alcoholic compromising almost every basic need you might have.
There’s no wonder you find yourself hurt and angry at times.
Your basic security is threatened, and for what, booze?
I’m sure one of the things you would appreciate in the relationship with your alcoholic is a little openness.
It seems that the more alcoholism progresses the more closed off an alcoholic becomes.
The consequence is you make every effort to be open with your alcoholic and get nothing in return.
Now THAT hurts.
On occasion, when your alcoholic is sober, you may see a glimmer of hope and a little openness.
A relationship based on lies is very painful.
There’s no way to know what’s going on or where the relationship is going if there isn’t at least truth.
When you understand the lies are there only to protect opportunities to use alcohol, it becomes a little easier to tolerate.
No one likes to be lied to and you need truth to base your decisions on.
This is one of the reasons I suggest at least you strive to know the truth and speak it.
Maybe the simplest idea but one of the most difficult for your alcoholic is understanding.
Most alcoholics I’ve met have a very difficult time empathizing with others.
Another way to put it is they are often self-centered.
When caught up in their use patterns and all the antics that go along with it, there’s little time to be concerned about what’s going on with you
One of the things that helps when you try to have your alcoholic understand you is this.
Catch him when he’s sober, put your idea in the form of the task you’d like to see and the time frame you’d like to see it in.
Your alcoholic may not do it right then or ever, but I’m confident he understands what you said.
When these simple things you want from your alcoholic aren’t present my suggestion is for you to establish a support system of family, friends, Al-Anon, Community Connect or a Coach.
You deserve to get these basic needs met.
What are your thoughts about the relationship with your alcoholic? Let us know in the comment section below.