Positive Thinking and Your Alcoholic

positive_thinking

When I was growing up I remember speakers who promoted the idea of “The Power of Positive Thinking”, Norman Vincent Peale.

Other contemporaries got on the bandwagon and touted the idea if you think positive your life will be transformed.

I wonder if any of them have lived with an alcoholic?

They’re right you know.

Even though the challenge is much more complex for you because of the relationship with your alcoholic.

Here are some things you can do to make your ‘positive thinking’ more possible.

Self Talk

It does matter what you tell yourself.
For years I’ve had people tell me they think they might be going crazy because they talk to themselves.

I tell them, “As long as you know it’s you doing the talking your not crazy”.

In fact, it’s beneficial for you to have strong positive self talk.

Even when you feel like there’s no one around who gives a care about what you think. You MUST care!

Begin today to tell yourself you are worth it.

What do I mean?

You’re worth being heard, respected and loved.

I know you may have messages from others going way back that still roll around in your head.

It takes your intentional effort to stop them and change your internal dialogue to positive affirmations.

Begin today… You’re worth it!

Friends and Family

I’m sure you’re like most of those who visit this site.

There are family and friends who just don’t understand what you have to deal with day to day.

You don’t have to feel obligated to explain it to them. They often won’t understand anyway.

What you need is to embrace family and friends who are willing to be positive with you and your decisions.

Those who choose to be negative and down on you and your choices may need to be a little more distant from you.

I know your alcoholic may be the biggest culprit for negative input.

You must find ways to end the conversation and walk away.

Above all DON’T internalize the negative comments your alcoholic offers.

Choose Different

Your new positive attitude will result from a decision to make different choices.

If you keep deciding what you have in the past you’re going to get the same result.

You can start today to do things differently.

Embrace a new thought life. Choose to walk away rather than engage in negativity.

Celebrate small successes

Not all successes are huge. Some are just a moment in time.

Your may be so small that in comparison it feels like it doesn’t amount to anything.

When you actually celebrate the small success you actually reinforce the probability of it happening again.

A couple ideas that will go a long ways to help you become more positive:

  • Learn to be non-judgmental
  • Even though I don’t subscribe to a live and let live philosophy, not everyone needs to come under your scrutiny.

    You can liberate yourself so many times with a simple “No Comment”.

  • Roll with resistence
  • When someone brings up negative or opposition conversation, you can choose to ‘roll with the resistence’.

    It might sound something like, “I understand you feel strong about the issue”, and then let it go.

    When you engage with someone who wants an argument, there’s a great possiblity the outcome won’t be positive.

    Positive conversations happen where people are open minded and tolerance of others poit of view.

Belive in YOU

You may not have many people who stand in your corner to encourage. If this is the case, YOU need to make a commitment to believe in yourself.

When you’re more confident in yourself, in time, others will come to recognize and believe in you, too.

Your alcoholic may be the last to come around but it’ll be very positive when it happens.

What have you done to become more of a positive thinker? Let us know in the comment section below.




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Here’s What 14 Other People Thought...

  1. Dollydaydream

    And ALSO remember the alcoholic is NOT your problem or anyone’s problem even though you may think they are.
    Ultimately they are responsible for themselves.

    • FreeMyAddict Team

      Very true. Thanks!

    • jojo

      good

      • FreeMyAddict Team

        Thanks for your comment

  2. Kat

    It might sound something like, “I understand you feel strong about the issue”, and then let it go.
    love it! for what we feel is right or politically correct maybe different for them , It not worth arguing over two things or on that may not even matter, Have you ever been with someone that goes into great detail and find yourself lost in thought somewhere else , its important to listen , it hurts the acly if you don’t he wants to be heard but for us , that are not aclys, walk away from banter

    • FreeMyAddict Team

      Many times when your alcoholic’s in the tank their thinking is para-logical (they talk in circles). There’s no reason follow in those circles. Simply agree to let it go.

  3. Michelle

    I feel like you guys are reading my mind. These are thing I think of all the time. For me, what I try to do to stay is this:
    I’ve forced myself to become VERY aware of how I speak about myself. I read, I think on twitter, to never say anything about yourself that you don’t want to be true. I realized then How horribly I speak of myself. My language was always so self deprecating. So, I started to pay attention to it. I made a conscience decision to LISTEN to myself and have been developing a new habit I speaking well of myself. I used to ALWAYS apologize for everything too. I’ve been making every effort to stop this as well. I realized that the way I was treating myself was sending the message to others that they shouldn’t like me or respect me either. I was so done with that.
    Another thing I do is speak out loud to the universe and animals. I express gratitude and frustrations and ask for advice out loud. It’s my way of interacting with my surroundings and feeling connected to what is all around me. It helps a lot.
    I’ve also changed my focus- to what I have, not what I don’t.
    And when I started doing this I realized that I actually had imagined most of the bad things in my life. They were projections of my low self esteem, not what was real. My life is actually a BEAUTIFUL life :)
    AFter all this, it was much easier to hear the pain and self -hating behind my addicts insults and criticisms. I could hear where all the negativity was coming from instead of blaming it all on myself. Because I’m happy with myself. And they are miserable with themselves. I do wish I could help them though.
    I am trying to gather information on interventions. My son’s father needs one badly. Any information would be great.
    We are in Fairfield county CT- if that helps with any resource recommendations.

    Thank you

    Michelle

    • FreeMyAddict Team

      FreeMyAddict Team aren’t mind readers but we do understand addiction and what it does to families. I’m very pleased you shared what you’ve personally done to change your focus from negative to positive. It does change your life.

      Here at FreeMyAddict we do offer intervention services via GoToMeeting and if you choose in person for the day of the intervention. If you would like to know more about it please address your inquiry to Webmaster. We’d be glad to work for you on behalf of your son’s father.

  4. Michelle Santagate

    These are some things I’ve been doing to make myself happier:
    I forced myself to become aware of how I speak of myself. My observation revealed I was EXTREMELY self deprecating. Now, I only say about myself what I want to be true. And I’ve stopped apologizing for everything I do. I realized I used to say “I’m sorry” so often it became pathetic.
    My dog is the center of my feel good though. I allow her to teach me that I am worth something, that I am unconditionally loved. She was the first “person” in my life to ever love me unconditionally. It is through her eyes that I’ve come to love myself. I will be forever grateful to her, my best friend and life guide. :)
    I have begun taking time in the morning and evening to speak out loud to the sky, moon and stars; the universe. I’ve allowed myself to have faith again that it is benevolent and wants love and happiness for me.
    With these daily affirmations I’ve started to feel more awake and alive. And I realized, I have a great life :)

    • FreeMyAddict Team

      It’s really amazing how animals can teach us life lessons. They often ask for so little and give so much. When love is returns unconditionally by a family pet it’s a reminder of what it can do to change people’s lives…IF they let it.

      • Michelle Santagate

        Yes. IF. That’s the tricky part. You have to ALLOW someone to love you. We talk A LOT about reciprocity in this commentary section; that goes for receiving as well. Being a constant “giver” can be a defense in itself, so you don’t have to receive and run the risks of letting someone in.
        I’m working on allowing myself to receive love as well as give it.

      • FreeMyAddict Team

        Good point, Michelle. If the only thing one is willing to do is give then enabling might be the result. On the other hand when open to be loved a new world may open up.

  5. Amber

    I have really made a lot of progress over the last few years, and I’m very content with where I’ve come in dealing with my alcoholic husband. I think one of the last hurdles I have, is when he says such degrading and hurtful things. The last six months, he’s gotten so much worse. He binge drinks, so it’s unpredicatble when a bad occurance is going to take place. But when it does it is pretty hard to deal with, because he says such mean things and then doesn’t remember the next day, and then he accusses me of either over-exaggerating or lying when I tell him what he said. You mentioned to not internalize what the alcoholic says, but when your in love with someone and so invested in them, it’s so very hard to not feel the pain that comes with what they say. I’ve been able to move past it, but it keeps happening every few weeks/months, so I’m uncertain if I’m foolish for staying with him or if there something more I could do to work on not allowing this to impact me as deep as it has.

    • FreeMyAddict Team

      My question to you would be if your husband doesn’t drink does he say the same mean things? It sounds like it’s when he drinks. When his inhibitions are low and his judgement is impaired. I don’t suggest you sit there ant take it if he’s drunk. You can walk away. You don’t deserve to be mistreated. You can let him know if he drinks, becomes abusive you leave. This even an alcoholic may understand over time.

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