My Friend’s Passed Out Drunk

friendship

I like you, do you like me circle yes or no.

Do you remember those notes passed in elementary school?

Your heart would be in your throat hoping the other person would like you.

Not all of the notes turned out to be wonderful outcomes.

They could however turn into the beginning of a friendship.

Your friendship with your alcoholic’s important and it may appear there’s only one thing you have in common.

You both care about the same person.

In order for friendship to be strong there must be the give and take to sustain the relationship.

Givers and Takers

You may be a natural born giver.

Generosity and kindness aren’t a faults.

They’re actually virtues.

When your alcoholic doesn’t share or return your generosity and kindness it becomes a one way street.

You end up being used in the relationship.

Let’s think of it in any other friendship aside from the person you love who’s so often passed out drunk.

If you did all the communicating, inviting, hosting, giving with any of your friends would you thing they want the relationship?

If your friend only wanted to be with you because you paid the bill when you went out.

How long would that last.

There are givers and takers but in order for it to work there needs to be two givers and two takers.

This way you get your needs met while your friend (alcoholic) gets his needs met.

Alcohol breaks down the best of relationships because it’s all about taking what will provide opportunity to use.

One your alcoholic is on the way to intoxication whatever good intentions were meant for you are shifted into getting drunk.

Alcoholism and Friendship

When your alcoholic’s falling down drunk and you try to say or do things to draw the relationship closer, you’re destined to fail.

Your alcoholic’s poor judgment due to lowered inhibitions is likely to promise more he’ll remember let alone accomplish.

Ultimately, you get let down and there’s another fracture to your friendship.

It’s always my recommendation to only do important communication with your alcoholic when he’s sober.

Friends trust

I’m sure you had some type of trust in the friendship with your alcoholic.

Over time, with denial fully intact and lies to be able to continue using, trust has eroded.

When your alcoholic’s sober he no doubt wonders why you don’t trust him. Down deep he really knows.

You’d think if it mattered to your alcoholic there would be change.

The truth is your alcoholic hides from the truth, lies to protect himself and the addiction.

It really isn’t about you or the friendship.

You may find yourself in a position where the only trust you have for your alcoholic is that he’ll be falling down drunk a number of times in the next week or so.

I’ve found there are friends who are close to you and friends that must be kept at some distance.

There are friends who are good for some great conversation and others who are there for the tough times.

A friend isn’t everything all the time.

In your relationship with your alcoholic, you need to know what you can expect from him.

Then that’s what the limits of your expectation must be.

When the note get’s passed back with a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ you get some idea of where the friendship is moving.

The next move is yours.

In what ways has your friendship changed with your alcoholic? Share with us in the comment section below.




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Here’s What 10 Other People Thought...

  1. David

    What I miss most is feeling safe when I’m with him. I don’t feel safe anymore, not because he has physically hurt me because he never has. It’s just that I know I cannot rely on him if I need help. If I ever have a heart attack or hurt myself in the evening, I’m on my own to get help. If I have to go the hospital because someone else is hurt or sick, I’m on my own. I get that a lot of single people live with those concerns but I’m not single. If I have a bad day at work or school or I’m worried about something, I can’t talk to him about it. I miss being able to share and feel safe about it. Physical intimacy is gone because I don’t even like it when he tries to hug me or touch me. I miss the teamwork too. We used to make a good team getting things done. Now, it’s all about breaking for a drink. Getting finished quick so he can get back to his drink. We don’t do anything together anymore. So, I’ve just starting doing work around the house on my own. It’s slower but at least it gets done. Less and less I feel like we have a life together. It’s more and more me getting a life and he’s an issue I have to deal with, not a life partner. I hate that I feel that way about him.

    • FreeMyAddict Team

      Violence is never acceptable. Regardless of sober or falling down drunk. Physical intimacy certainly wains in the light of physical abuse.

  2. kimberly

    There isn’t any. His addiction has changed him so much as a person. He’s not the same person I fell in love with six yrs ago. He doesn’t want help n I am just tired.

    • FreeMyAddict Team

      Alcoholism does change the person. Recovery also does when he’s ready.

  3. robin

    I have no false expectations with Derek. He can not be depended on and I don’t lose sleep wishing he could He is who He is. An alcoholic. for ever plus he brings to US there are several minus I know this. I know I have to go bare footed through glass here. And I can not find it in myself to not go there. Love if its real doesn’t get tired doesn’t run and makes sacrifices. Its ok if I am the only one dependable and responsible because the day it isn’t, there is no US and one of US has died. I don’t love lightly or half way or if only. It is a road less traveled but going anywhere with Jesus is a good trip.

    • FreeMyAddict Team

      It’s great you have personal faith to sustain you.

  4. I think I’m tired of passing notes.

    Michelle

    • FreeMyAddict Team

      Good answer

  5. Tammy

    I do not have any expectations from my husband at all and have not for a very long time. I find it’s the emotional level that is the most difficult, I have so many feelings but can never express them to him. If I do, it’s useless because he does not care or remember what I say. I walked away a week ago and he is now accepting to go to rehab. He should be there within a week.

    • FreeMyAddict Team

      Tammy, I think it’s likely he cares MORE about alcohol. I hope he follows through and gets a good support program set up for when he gets out.

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