Manipulation, Deception, Lies and Your Alcoholic
Mesmerized by the fast talk of the carnival vendor, I found myself trying to win a stuffed toy I could have purchased for MUCH less.
I later found out many of those attractions are rigged to make it extremely hard to win.
I guess you could say I was manipulated and deceived by what I thought would be easy to do.
I wonder in what ways your alcoholic’s behavior is similar to the carnival vendor.
Here are a few ways your alcoholic may manipulate, deceive or even lie to you.
In the early stages of alcoholism the manipulation is quite subtle.
The desire to drink is strong and opportunities are many.
As the illness progresses the manipulation increases.
Your alcoholic becomes more discriminating about who to hang around.
The common ingredient is ALCOHOL.
If there’s no alcohol there isn’t going to be a good time.
Non drinkers are soon excluded from the list of friends or family to visit.
Many situations are twisted around to make them a reason to drink.
It could be too rainy or too hot out; a friend said the wrong thing or didn’t talk to him.
There’s always a reason to drink even when there’s no occasion.
This is indeed manipulation of you and the situation.
Your alcoholic has a vested interest in deceiving you.
If you actually keep tract of how much is spent on alcohol you’ll probably not be happy about it.
So, you are told only part of what is true about how much alcohol your alcoholic drinks.
Bottles may be returned without you knowing just to keep you from realizing just how much he’s drinking.
There are times when your alcoholic no doubt doesn’t remember what actually happened.
However, on many if not most occasions the truth’s harder for your alcoholic to face than deception.
Keeping the truth from you is a way of preserving his habit.
You can debate with me over whether your alcoholic lies to your or whether he just doesn’t know what the truth is.
In practical terms it doesn’t make much difference.
I don’t blame your alcoholic for the lies. They are part of the addiction. It’s almost like they can’t help it.
Here are a few lies that are very common:
- I can quit anytime, I just don’t want to
- I only had two beers
- It helps me function better
- I work hard I deserve a drink
- It doesn’t hurt anyone to have a few drinks
Your alcoholic has a physical craving for alcohol. If he stops there will be withdrawal symptoms. These are what keeps him using.
When this one is used I always ask “were those 40oz?”
It’s more like I only remember the last two.
Alcohol keeps your alcoholic uninhibited but can’t end up better than functioning with unimpaired judgement.
This is like a diabetic saying I work hard I deserve to eat a whole pie by myself. Of course, that’s absurd.
You’re a testimony to the fact many people are hurt by the few drinks, because they lead to a few more and a few more.
I would suggest alcoholism effects the whole family and often from generation to generation.
What can you do about the manipulation, deception and lies?
First, don’t be naive about your situation. Even if your alcoholic is in denial, you don’t have to be.
Learn what the truth is and stick with it.
Second, find out how to stop enabling. Practice it until your enabling days are over.
Third, refuse go along with a manipulation; Keep your eyes open to the truth and keep learning; and when your alcoholic speaks lies, don’t accept them. Speak truth in return.
It feels good to walk right by the carnival vendor knowing full well the intent to manipulate and deceive me. The difference today, I’m wise to it and I know the truth.
In what ways have you been manipulated,deceived or lied to by your alcoholic? Share with us in the comment section below.