Lessons Taught By Your Alcoholic


I remember one of the common statements made to me by my parents when I was being scolded.

“I hope you learned your lesson”.

You might think problems are there for us simply to make sure we learn our lesson.

Many of those things I learned in childhood have served to help shape my life.

Many of them I’m still wondering what I was supposed to learn.

I’m sure in the relationship with your alcoholic there are many lessons you’ve come to learn and others you are still trying to figure out.

Here are some thoughts…

Nothing is as simple as it appears

Have you notices how many of the things you face from day to day should by appearance be simple.

The only problem is they either take more time, require someones assistance or there’s a significant step inadvertently missing.

The simple often becomes complicated.

If you’re not careful you may find yourself not willing to try things because they seem so overwhelming.

The real alternative is to persevere. Think and plan it out so you can find success in those things you set out to do.

There’s good in most everything

I don’t care how angry you get toward your alcoholic. If you step back a bit you’ll find some things you actually like about him/her.

These can be some of the most important things for you to remember.

In the times when you could toss them further than a paper airplane, you might just want to bring one of these thoughts to mind.

There may be times when you can’t see the good for all of the chaos around.

It’s in these times I suggest you understand how ill your alcoholic is and how the person he/she is is not best reflected by the illness but rather by those who love him/her.

Some choices are life changing

You probably never expected the relationship with your alcoholic to have such an impact on your life.

Choices make a difference.

You may decide to stay or leave. Regardless the impact of a single choice makes a huge difference in your life.

This is one of the reasons I believe big choices should require us to take into account the counsel of others.

I’m not talking about people who have an agenda or would choose to manipulate, but rather those who are able to remain objective.

You need people in your life who will speak truth to you objectively.

These mentors, coaches, dear friends or trusted family members are invaluable in helping you decide the direction you’ll choose.

You’re important even if others don’t know it yet

When you’ve been in a relationship with an alcoholic it’s easy to think you’re not important.

This is really the furthermost from the truth.

You are very important.

What you think, feel, say or do is very important.

This is your life.

Just because your alcoholic may not acknowledge you doesn’t mean you’re not important.

You may need to find some friends or family who will actually validate how important you actually are as an individual.

If your alcoholic were to be without you, I’m sure the truth of your importance would be evident.

Life isn’t fair

I’m sure by now you know life isn’t fair.

I wonder sometimes if we really have learned this lesson.

So many times I catch myself thinking, “That just isn’t fair”.

If I already know life isn’t fair why does it surprise me when it happens again and again?

Maybe this is a lesson that has many variations to learn.

I do know the more we begin to accept when things are unfair the more we find ability to cope with each event.

Alcoholism is a serious illness

By now you undoubtedly understand the impact of the illness of alcoholism.

Even if you struggle with the idea of it being an illness, you do understand there’s something dreadful that happens when alcoholic takes over your alcoholic’s mind and body.

There’s a great deal of evidence about alcoholism being an illness.

Accepting it as an illness allows you to be more understanding of what is happening to your alcoholic.

You set your priorities

Control issues are so much a part of living with your alcoholic.

He/she uses alcohol and there they go again…Out of Control!

In many ways when your alcoholic is out of control you may find yourself actually going down the same path with an ‘out of control’ feeling.

This is why one of the lessons you may want to learn is that it’s up to you to set your priorities.

I know you may want to think in terms of what you and your alcoholic can do together.

It may be time for you to prioritize independently of what your alcoholic chooses to do.

If you do one of the outcomes is many if not most of your priorities will be more likely to be met.

Each day has it’s own issues to face

Every day there are things to deal with without exception.

I’m glad that a good day doesn’t mean it must be problem free.

When you have a flat tire but have a spare, the dryer breaks down but you have clothes lines or the store is out of your favorite brand but they have another brand at a reasonable price… You can still have a good day.

I think the lesson here is to have a mindset that you can deal with each day with it’s issues with the help of your Higher Power and a few well thought out choices.

In what ways has life taught you lessons. Let us know in the comment section below.


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Here’s What 8 Other People Thought...

  1. robin

    I just really enjoyed this and wanted to thank you

    • FreeMyAddict Team

      Thanks I’m glad you like it. I appreciate your feedback.

  2. Willow

    Maybe it is that I shouldn’t depend on someone with an illness to provide for me. I am in tear, shell shocked and heartbroken I didn’t take care of me more and my son. My husband is on his way home from work sober because his boss fired him for being a drunk at work. I am shocked he made it this long. He had been warned before.

    I am a stay at home mom and I home school. I was just starting a buisness but have not made any money yet as I’ve been in school and just completed some training. It’s all alternative health so I am feeling like …I don’t know. I am shell shocked. Totally in shock and scared. Angry, at myself, for not doing more in case this happened.

    • FreeMyAddict Team

      There’s no reason to get down on yourself. Your decisions are very similar to others involved with an alcoholic. At least you were doing something to prepare for what has happened. Now is the time to examine your alternatives. What can you do with what you’ve learned. Think it through and explore your options. Don’t make a hasty decision… take enough time to make a good one.

      I’m sorry to hear about your alcoholic losing his job. Maybe this will be what it takes for him to recognize what the illness is costing him and his family.

      Don’t cover it over like it’s okay. It’s one of the real costs of alcoholism.

    • kat

      robin rod lost his job for 3 yrs he can file for UI, UNEMPLOYMENT , I want to warn you it gives him more time to drink, and nag i went threw it, i would if i were u continue your education as far as you can but if his attitude reflects on your child you need to get out, i had no idea how much it was reflection on our daughter she is now 25 and just like him , so forewarning take a look around you, who will it effect ,there r plenty of programs now that help us wives to survive,

      • FreeMyAddict Team

        There are many contributors to alcoholism. One of them can be the influence of an alcoholic. Another is the genetic influence they have through heredity. These in combination are a recipe for the illness. In your situation Kat, it appears your daughter had exposure to your alcoholic and apparently ended up with the genetics, too.

  3. kat

    reading this gave me no hope at all its like the words are empty yada yada yada i think i am tired of it all i am losing the battle i am tired my body is now becmong sickly , and he is not showing any compassion for me, i know i am a wonderful person caring, after all i cared for him and our kids for 25 yrs, i am tired i need to find happiness again i need to find completeness, i need to be me again, i am afraid well not afraid, to say but saying i give it my best , i cannot give anymore ,

    • FreeMyAddict Team

      When you are doing your best and it seems like it’s not enough there is an emotional fatigue you can feel. I think you are correct to reassure yourself of the things you know to be true. In this way you establish the basis for continuing in your journey. You work at it I know. Thanks for your comments.

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