Is Your Alcoholic Driving You Insane?


In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous insanity is defined as doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome.

When you’re caught up in the daily activities with your alcoholic, it may become routine.

The same scenarios play out. Your alcoholic does one thing and you respond.

Life goes on…

The so does the insanity.

Stuck in a rut

Does it feel like your stuck in a rut with your alcoholic?

The same things happen.

You want it to stop.

You and/or your alcoholic get angry, he get’s drunk and you end up alone again.

What keeps you stuck?

Fear, insecurity, anxiety, low self esteem are all pieces of what may keep you stuck.

The best thing to do with any of these issues is to confront them.

If you continue to react to them, you stay in the rut.

You do want out, right?

If you fear losing your alcoholic, let me ask you a question. Do you really have him or does the booze have him?

Is your insecurity that you’ll not be able to make it on your own?

Look at what you have to do on your own now. You’re doing most of it now!

Sure, there might be financial considerations, but if you don’t begin to do something about it the insecurity won’t get better.

Anxiety and low self esteem result from what you tell yourself.

Of all the people in the world, YOU need to be kind to YOU.

I believe you need to be able to count on that if nothing else.

Do something different

It can be a challenge to actually get out of the box and do something entirely different.

You can do simple things like:

  • Catch your alcoholic doing something good, and thank him/her
  • Take time for yourself
  • Make a new friend
  • Find a support group
  • Begin journaling
  • Find an accountability person
  • Hire a FMA coach

In Alcoholics Anonymous they say, “nothing changes until something changes”.

This is the way out of the insanity.

Keep at it

Changes take time and effort.

When you begin something new it’s natural for you to feel uncomfortable in doing it.

The key is to keep at it until it becomes a habit.

It generally takes many repititions of a change over time for it to become part of you.

There’s a way to get on top of the circumstances with your alcoholic.

You have what it takes to stop the insanity.

What have you done to end the insanity with your alcoholic? Share with us in the comment section below.


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Here’s What 14 Other People Thought...

  1. kat6

    Amen sister brother , this is so us , women who fail to meet their full penitential increase in self pity , make friends get a hobbies, do not let your alcy guide you into his world of despair , i am not saying get a divorce i am only saying get back to the first you who you were when you meant , this is the plan , and yes yes yes get counselling with the AA groups and who ever can help so you can relate your story and share your problem

    • FreeMyAddict Team

      It’s always a choice to become the person you want to be. Your alcoholic can’t control that unless you allow him.

      • Kat

        I agree, but i have talked to so many women that have let thier husbands brow beat them into thinking it them, so sad

      • FreeMyAddict Team


  2. james

    James is now out of hospital on wafarin and has started drinking again, he is in such a mess. I cannot watch him kill himself so have not been to see him. i feel guilty though and am constantly worrying.

    • FreeMyAddict Team

      The sooner he returns to rehab the better. It’s not that he’s started drinking again, it’s if he does nothing about it.

  3. Robin

    I have a mind set that came after years not too many but several this disease isn’t who Derek is. Alcoholism is his warden and he is in his own personal hell. Of my own volition I am powerless to live a life with him. But I don’t walk alone I trust Jesus and I believe that there is a way to Love Derek like Jesus would. Nothing about our lives will ever be easy as long as he is in that hell But everything about me has changed and I am learning everyday to cope while in the grace of a God I know answers prayer. no one but me sees what changes there are now. they aren’t land mark changes they are slight and nearly beyond notice unless you live them you would never know it. But that’s okay our lives are personal and he is changing non faithful minds will claim its old age its what ever. Excuse me if I realize it is prayer. And prayer changes things. When God brings a shift in your life you have to acknowledge Him for it. Anyone who can not see that evil has a hook in this disease is so wrong there is not a more demonic vice available to mankind today. alcoholic is addictive and its legal. who’s plan was that… well thanks again. robin

    • FreeMyAddict Team

      Personal faith is very powerful and comforting in the midst of turmoil. Sometimes it’s the only strength you find when you live with an alcoholic.

  4. David

    Years ago I started spending all my evenings sitting and watching TV while my husband drank. I did this because he likes me to hang around all the time and also I thought if I sat with him, it would be harder for him to drink. Big mistake. He is very good at sneaking the booze – goes to the bathroom, adds it to his waterbottle, etc. Unfortunately, for me, plunking down on the couch became a very bad and difficult to break habit. Not only did I neglect my studies, my hobbies, and housework, I gradually stopped going out. I don’t have any friends anymore. What I have started doing is spending more time in my office working on things I need to get done. He’s a bit disgruntled but I just don’t care about that anymore. He has told me, drunk and sober, that I’m all about me. Not sure how that works since all I think about is him but if that’s what he thinks then I might as well live down to his perception and get going on the things I need to do. It is tough though because TV became a really easy way for me to zone out. I can basically run away while sitting on the couch. No effort required. I am still hit and miss with this but I’m further ahead than I was a few weeks ago. I don’t think he really likes me staying upstairs in the evenings and on weekends but I just cannot let this situation drag me down any longer. When I feel really guilty about it, I just remind myself that he really does love me and wants the best for me. And the work I’m doing makes both our lives better in the end. It’s unfortunate that this often conflicts with his boozy comfort zone but he’ll just have to find a way to live with that. That’s my new attitude.

    • FreeMyAddict Team

      It’s never too late to change priorities. You’re spending time on your interests. Who knows maybe you’ll take a few classes or something. The important part here is you DO count. What’s important to you IS important. Just to let you know I think your new attitude is just fine.

  5. “In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous insanity is defined as doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome.”

    Guys, please read this:

    It’s a beautifully written blog by someone much more experienced then I that addresses a major problem I’ve been having with a sentiment you seriously misused in this article.
    I think you eventually end up in the same place, but don’t start out there and this article really helps to clear things up… In a positive, non-judgmental, constructive way.


    Michelle :)

    • FreeMyAddict Team

      I appreciate the ‘Legal’ definition of insanity. What is discussed in this article is the Big Book definition used by Bill. If you have read one of the early researchers by the name of Jellinek, he indicated there were three outcomes for alcoholics. They were insanity, death or recovery. It’s in this context the term insanity is being used. Thanks for your clarification.


    I lost a very close Sister to the bottle & Breast Cancer. She and her twin sister were drunk as young as 12 y. o. Our parents told US that to become an adult U must drink both coffee and ALCOHOL. I rebelled against them, so I’m disowned by entire family. It has made my life better. It’s hard for me around the Holiday’s, because the Holiday’s are to be celebrated w/family. THANKS 4 reading, HAPPY Holiday’s & KEEP the FAITH!

    • FreeMyAddict Team

      Holidays are especially difficult, especially when your alcoholic doesn’t find there way into recovery. Messages of drinking often come from norms developed in the family. The major problem is they didn’t recognize alcohol as a problem.
      Even though you had to rebel to find a sober life, you made a good choice.
      Sorry about your loss of your sister.
      Thanks for commenting.

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