Is Happiness Really Possible While Living With An Alcoholic?

bucket list

“Get up, dust yourself off and focus on yourself.”

These words are from a Free My Addict member who shares similar struggles as you do.

She left a comment on an article about how she stopped taking care of herself because her focus was on an alcoholic husband.

Quite often she felt frustrated because of the emotional pain. That’s understandable.

She refuses let the pain determine her future. She’s taking a culinary class, researching locksmith schools, exercising and paying more attention to her appearance, and is involved in “activities that make her happy”.

You need to do the same thing as her. Shift your focus from your present situation and the behaviors of your alcoholic husband and ask yourself “what makes me happy and content?”

Write a bucket list

If you haven’t seen the “The Bucket List” with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman, check it out. The movie’s hilarious, but more importantly it’s about the decision to pursue your dreams and try things you never thought would be possible.

Two guys met in a hospital and faced life threatening illnesses. Together they made a list of things they always wanted to do… skydiving, mountain climbing, visited other cities and even drove race cars.

Nicholson’s character had a lot of money so it was no problem. You don’t need a lot of money to pursue your dreams and goals no matter how small they seem.

Don’t stay in today and be frustrated because of an alcoholic husband. Take the opportunity to do enjoyable things that creates the happiness and contentment you haven’t felt in a long time. You deserve it!

I know you have a bucket list. Now it’s time to put it on paper.

It can include something simple like plant a garden, try new recipes, or maybe go to the park and feed the ducks.

What about more time with friends and family, camping, tickets to the ballet or opera, or a new wardrobe?

If it makes you happy and content it should be on your “bucket list”.

What you do today can make a difference in the future

A few years ago I ran across this anonymous quote I’d like to share.

“Choices you made yesterday determine where you are today. Choices you make today determine where you’ll be tomorrow.”

Make the choice to do something different today.

Start with a list of 5 things you’ve always wanted to accomplish. If you put your mind to it, you’ll accomplish them sooner than you think.

Your attitude will change over time because of how you feel. After a few things are accomplished there’ll be room to add five more “bucket list” items.

As our member said, she was “so engrossed in her husband’s alcoholism that she stopped her usual activities.”

It’s time to take her advice, “get up, dust yourself off, and focus on yourself.”

You’re responsible for your own happiness, Start today!

What’s on your “bucket list?” Please share in the comments your plans to do something different today.




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Here’s What 10 Other People Thought...

  1. Donna

    Thanks, this did help me. He is drinking again,but he does not think I know. It hard due to me having a stroke and him having to drive me everywhere I go. I am having trouble writing, so he is having to do the bank statements and pay the bills, which I did for 40 years. I feel like giving up on him.

    • Tom

      I understand your feelings about wanting to give up on him. Apparently, you need him in your life right now. Don’t you think he needs to know that you know he’s drinking. If he’s driving you and intoxicated both of you could be in danger. Would he refrain from drinking when he knows he has to take you somewhere?

  2. kathleen

    Very good article. I find my husbands addiction still finding its way interfering with the kids and I daily and we are currently seperated living in seperate houses!? But I like the idea of setting a goal, and I can see how it will take my focus off of his behavior and give the kids and I something to look forward to :)

    • FreeMyAddict Team

      Good for you. Hopefully, he will work toward the goal as much as you and the children do.

  3. Faith

    the other night I went out partying with friends …. and it is something I hadnt done for a long time …. I decided to do for myself, since all my life my focus has been on others. I came home in the morning and he had gotten drunk, and told me to get the F out ….. so i did. I texted him and said i was coming home to get some things …. when I got there he begged me to stay and I did. “you are my life” ” Just shoot me” “I dont want to live without you” are some of the things he says. I am a good person and not hard to love….. but come on … He can live wihtout me. I am not that great. :) I think he has become dependant….more than just the fact that he loves me so much.
    How do i move away (distance myself) without “killing” him?

    • FreeMyAddict Team

      It sounds like he became angry when you actually did something for yourself. His words came back to haunt him when you actually left. Like many alcoholics, their life is centered around alcohol. Let me suggest you can’t put much stock in what he says to you, for example “You’re my life” when the truth is Alcohol is his life, “Just shoot me” he doesn’t really mean that, and “I don’t want to live without you” when he would defend his right to drink over defending you. I do believe he loves you, but he loves alcohol more. You have big decisions to make and whatever you decide it won’t kill him.

  4. K

    I found the article interesting. But what about when the alcoholic gets angry and abrasive when the other person tries to do things for themself? My husband makes way more money than I do, and we have many financial obligations due to 2 kids in college at the moment. But even a cheap night out with friends, and I feel like I “pay” when I return home. Even inviting him along, doesn’t help because he does not enjoy outings with friends and refuses to come along. Still feel like I’m walking on eggshells totally negating any good that was done by taking care of myself. Any advice?

    • FreeMyAddict Team

      You MUST take care of yourself. He’s obviously not looking out after your needs at least emotionally. It’s not about how much you earn or what he earns it’s about you being able to be yourself. If he becomes abrasive go to another room don’t accept those characterizations as you.

  5. Brenda

    I have been dealing with a roller coaster life with my alcoholic husband for many years…thru a “midlife crisis affair” with a woman known to me…to incarceration and fines, his denial,then alternating admittance of his addiction to projecting his issue on me. I am at the end of my rope..unsure of what to say or do that is right or healthy for me and my children. I am growing so exhausted and am emotionally fatigued from this lifestyle…do i not say anything and feel like im enabling him or continue to call him on his hiding and hoarding of alcohol? He lives in my basement to assist with financial issues he caused before and after his sordid affair? I failed to mention he is bipolar and feels his meds have cured him despite drinking while on psychotropics…..what is my next step? I’m at a loss which way to turn…any thoughtful advise would be appreciated…….Brenda

    • FreeMyAddict Team

      When someone has bipolar disorder it’s very important for them to take there medications as prescribed and not drink. You need to begin looking after what you need in this relationship. Set some clear boundaries and keep them.

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