I’m Angry…He’s Drunk

angry_about_alcoholic

Do you have times your so tired of being angry you just deny it’s there at all?

Your alcoholic goes on his merry way drinking and drunk while you’re left to wrestle with the intense anger over the situation.

It seems the more you say the worse it gets. Every so often there’s a little hope thrown in just to make it hurt a little more and produce even more anger.

Understand Emotions

Let’s talk about anger for a minute. I’m sure you’ve been told different things about anger. Some may be valid and others just an opinion.

I want you to know up front emotions are neither right or wrong…they just are.

Your feelings are there to help you understand the world around you and how you function in it.

Emotions come from what we think. They are always preceeded by some type of thought. These can be negative or positive thoughts. They can be oriented in the past present or future.

As human beings we have a wonderful (tongue in cheek) ability to recall vividly things from our past.

This means when we’ve been hurt we can play it again and again. It’s like we never get enough of it.

The real reason we play it again is in a weird way to make sure it never happens again.

The irony is emotionally it happens again every time we rehearse it.

Hurt turns into anger

When you don’t resolve the hurt one of the alternative ways to deal with it is to turn it into anger.

This becomes a defense mechanism. It actually pushes people away. The result can be quite devastating.

When others are pushed away it’s not just your alcoholic. It can be the very people who care the most about you and the situation you’re in.

The end result can be isolation and continued hurt time and again from your alcoholic.

 

There are a few things you can do to make it better.

  1. You need to get your anger out
  2. This isn’t a recommendation to take your anger out on others around you. It’s a suggestion to find healthy ways to express your anger.

  3. Begin a journal
  4. It’s not important that you spell well or that you use full sentences.

    The idea here is to get your anger out on paper where it’s not rolling around in your head.

    The sooner you get it out the better.

  5. Have a confidant
  6. Find that one person who will allow you to vent.

    It can be a FMA coach, a personal friend or a trusted family member.

    This person needs to be someone who will keep your words in confidence. They need to listen, there’s no need for them to try to fix it.

  7. Live in today
  8. The more you rehearse the events that resulted in hurt the more likely you’ll become angry.

    Stop rehearsing or as I like to call it nursing the wound.

  9. Invest less
  10. When you make personal sacrifices for your alcoholic and they aren’t valued it hurts.

    Think of this as you investing in your alcoholic. When you don’t get a return on your investment what are you going to do next time your asked to contribute to the investment fund?

    You’ve got it. Don’t put more in when you know there’s no return likely.

  11. Don’t repress anger
  12. To simply deny you’ve been hurt or that you’ve become angry about the situation doesn’t make it go away.

    The worst kind of anger it the anger that’s repressed.

    It causes physical harm and those consequences are often more severe than facing the anger.

Yes, if you’re involved with your alcoholic in any meaningful way there will be hurt. This means the likelihood of anger is high.

You can deal with your anger and manage it so rather that becoming a problem for you it can be a window into what’s really going on with YOU and what you may want to do about it.




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