How To Find Happiness and Contentment While You Live With An Alcoholic

dessert mesa

Have you ever climbed a steep plateau in the desert and watched the sunset?

It’s a beautiful place to escape and relax.

The colors, red, yellow and orange reflect off the mesa, in the sky and off the desert floor. It can really set your mind at ease.

With all the chaos in your life, as you try to cope with your alcoholic husband, that may sound like a dream.

You need to find a place just as peaceful to spend time with yourself

In the past when there was chaos in my life I needed a place to be alone.

When I was in New Mexico I found a place for myself. The mesa was steep, but there was a trail on one side that made it possible to climb.

My backpack was filled with a thermos of water, a few snacks, and a spiritual book.

It was an hour drive and a half hour hike up the trail. I’ll never forget how I felt when I reached the top for the first time. It was awesome!

It was just what I needed to focus on myself.[/private]

To pack my bag, drive and hike up the trail, was a bit of a hassle. But those few hours of quiet time alone made it worthwhile.

Where’s Your Mesa?

You may not live in New Mexico, but maybe you can find a special place to be alone and focus on you, and not your husband, if only for a few hours.

You’ll get a sense of contentment that can replace any anxiety, fears and insecurities you may have.

When I was on top of that mesa I had a chance to think about my dreams, hopes and what really mattered in my life. My focus was on the changes I needed to make.

Happiness and Contentment is a Process

The time on top of that mesa was the first step in the process to find happiness and contentment.

When you sit in your own little spot for some quiet time, it’s amazing how your fears, insecurities and troubles will seem far away.

Wouldn’t that be nice to have an “untroubled mind” for a little while?

The more you do it the easier it becomes and the more content you’ll be. It takes discipline to spend time with yourself, recognize the good things in your life, examine your choices and resolve emotional conflicts.

As Charles Swindoll, a well-known author and clergyman said, “Once fear is removed it’s remarkable how quickly peace fills the vacuum.”

I hope you know of a place where you can be alone.

Grab your backpack, get in the car, and go to that place where you can focus on happiness and contentment.

If you know of a good way to escape, please share it with others in the comments below.


Did this article help? Get more advice (it's Free)

Your Addicts First Name

Your Email Address


Here’s What 12 Other People Thought...

  1. Maha

    I Love my husbond very much, and he is an alcoholic i have been marred to him 32 years I know i did`t by the Grace of our Lord, but my health can not take it any more but i am praying thank you for this website.

    • Tom

      Thanks…we’re glad you like this site. The fact you’ve been married 32 years and still love him despite his faults and his drinking…say’s a lot. Hopefully, he’ll understand your health situation, and maybe begin to put his focus on you…instead of his behaviors. Keep watching the site, pretty soon we’ll be presenting some pretty neat programs to help you focus on yourself. Keep in Touch!

  2. Ann

    I have been dating an alcoholic man for a little over a year. He has a severe anxiety disorder as well as his alcoholism. I believe we love one another. He is working on recovery, but is not deeply committed to total abstinence and sobriety. He currently drinks for a day about once a month, after 30 plus years of daily drinking. He is pretty self-absorbed, and I have learned to lower my expectations of him—but most people think I’m pretty crazy to be involved with him. I have had several significant disappointments in the relationship, but I care for him. He is not at all verbally or physically abusive when drinking, he just sleeps it off—-we have many common interests and enjoy our time together when he is sober. I have reduced the amount of time I spend with him so that I won’t get overly focused on the relationship and can attend to my own needs. I go to Al-Anon and have found help there. Most people think I am crazy to stay involved with him; I understand him to be quite ill, but am trying to see the person underneath, as well as the illness. Just wondering if anyone out there has had a similar experience.

    • Tom

      Thanks Ann…for your comment. Both your love and concern for your husband are evident. You’ve realized you can’t change him…and have accepted him for who he is. What was really cool…is that you’re focusing on yourself and taking care of your own needs. That’s important…and despite his character defects…I’m sure he’s a good person.
      Again..glad you’re focusing on you.!

  3. chris

    They are always going to change or do better, but the cycle always repeats itself. I am looking at 42 years with my husband who in all repects is a great person, but I have 2 grown children that have followed in their fathers’ footsteps, perhaps I stayed too long? I am looking into making me a healthy & happy person & they can suffer the consequenses. I think 42 years of chances is long enough, don’t you?

    • Tom

      I understand how you feel…42 years is a long time. Maybe it’s time to start focusing on yourself. What do you need to do to be happy? And letting them suffer the consequences is a good idea. Pain is a great motivator to change and after enought of that…maybe they’ll decide to get some help.

  4. Willow

    Thank you for this article. I am grateful to have found it today. It confirms I am doing the right thing for myself in loving and taking care of myself. I’ve been married 24 yrs and like another person mentioned now see my adult children following in their father’s example. Down to the drinking and driving and bar fights. It breaks my heart but I know I taught my children better. I am slowly learning to set boundaries but my focus at the moment is myself and my health which has been affected by the stress of living with an alcoholic my whole life. See, I left an alcoholic childhood home to marry an alcoholic who comes from a very alcoholic family and now have alcoholic children. There are days I want to run away and start a new life and then there are days when I know that somehow there are lessons for me in this and I will be a stronger person. Thank you so much for this website.

    • Tom

      That’s great you have such a good outlook on life despite alcoholism being so prevelant in the lives of your loved ones.
      It’s natural to just want to run away, but your’re right about being a stronger person by facing your struggles head on.
      You should be proud of yourself.

      • Willow

        Thank you. Unfortunately the day I wrote the above comment turned out to be ugly. My husband got drunk, came home and terrorized our kids while I was at yoga class. My adult children were home with the younger one and had to flee the house. One child got in a fist fight with my husband that resulted in the police getting involved. My husband is waiting arrest for domestic violence. My biggest fear came true that he would do something to my children. He moved out for several days but came back. My legal rights at the moment are few to get him out since I wasn’t even home when this happened. Everyone is thankfully ok minus the furniture that took the biggest beating. Just it is very stressful to listen to him say he is an alcoholic but there are is no “good help” around for him. Each doctor or treatment center he finds has something wrong with it. In between his words I hear denial. He comes home at night thinking this will just blow over and we can get back to living how we were before but I can’t go back this time. I just wish that this wasn’t so exhausting

      • FreeMyAddict Team

        If it hadn’t been you were at yoga class it would have been another time. When an alcoholic’s inhibitions are lowered and they tend toward violence it is a powder keg just waiting to be lit. I’m glad your children were better off than the furniture; you can always replace furniture.
        Your alcoholic is just making excuses when he says there are no doctors or programs out their that can help. HIS DRINKING is the problem not the treatment programs. I am sure there are many that would help if he gave them a chance. I encourage you to ask your children to press charges so there will be pressure on your alcoholic to get help for his alcoholism, anger problems and domestic violence issues. Stand firm.

  5. anonymous

    Im living with an aLcoholic wife for past 3yrs. weve been married for 25yrs. weve lost our home, jobs, and had to deal with CPS.

    Ive sent my younder kids (9 and 5) at the time to my parents in the islands for a year so we can try to handle this sickness. back and forth visits to rehab and hospital during kids absence, and after a year, was sober for few months, then kids returned, and now for past 4 months since kids return, a rehab visit, a hospital visit, and drinking continues…
    at my wits end and kids also starting to notice…

    I cannot just up and leave (as I am Able to), but dont have the heart to just leave her behind.

    at this point, im ready to just do that, pack up and leave back to Cali from KY.

    what to do???
    she will not stop… always promises after rehab and hospital visits.
    Anonymous kids.

    • FreeMyAddict Team

      There’s no magic pill. There’s no magic number of times for rehab. I can tell you that as long as she keeps trying to stop using there’s hope. The three things she needs to have in place for recovery to be successful is to be totally honest in her rehab program so as to break through denial, second to establish a network of support such as AA and third establish an accountability partner (not you) who will be brutally honest with her about her recovery.
      Ultimately, she has to decide her recovery and the consequences often are very severe for failing to do so. My best to you!

Leave a Comment

Talk With Someone