Hate My Life to Change My Life

Motivation to change is the key to making your life different than it is today.

I have worked with people over the last thirty years and found the transition from ‘hate my life’ to ‘change my life’ comes out of a personal realization of a NEED to change.

You don’t move along in life looking to hate your life.

Things happen, alcohol, drugs, abuse, and misfortune to mention a few.

There’s little you can do about these things as long as you stay in the emotional state of despair.

There are many things you can do if you truly want things to be different.

Believe in Yourself

It may be difficult right now if you have strong feelings about your life situation. You need to begin to have more confidence in yourself at this point in your life.

Moving from ‘hate my life’ to ‘change my life’ can happen for you when you believe in yourself.

Stop listening to other people and begin to focus on what’s important to YOU.

Don’t let others define who you are in this moment.

hange comes because YOU choose it and determine to do whatever it takes for change to happen.

Discover your Strengths

Ask yourself an important question, “What are my strengths right now?”
No pity party, no trying to say you don’t have strengths.

Everyone has strengths. It may be the ability to survive incredible difficulties and go on.

It may be being able to get up and go again in spite of hard times. It may simply be strength of character. Find the strengths you have and begin a plan to build on them.

If you only find one strength, find someone who needs a person with that strength and share it with them. Get positive feedback.

Begin to develop your strengths. I’m not asking you to deny weakness but you know we all recognize weaknesses more than strengths. So putting them on the back burner is okay for now.

Change takes time and effort

Change starts in your head.
You need to think and desire change.
You can almost begin to recognize what change would look like if it were to happen today.

I’m suggesting your desire for change needs to increase to a passion for change to happen.
I mean being willing to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If it takes time, money, influence and effort… make a commitment to it.
Determine to let nothing get in the way of making it happen.

Don’t Quit, Change will Happen

Resolve never to quit in the process of your changes.
You know how the ‘hate my life’ thoughts have hung on?
I’m suggesting the ‘Change my life’ thoughts need to exceed them.

You can on purpose spend time working toward change.
This will increase your thoughts of change and lessen the thoughts of hating your life.

Hang out with people who are supportive

You’ll find great strength by hanging around people who are supportive of the changes you’re making.

Those who are down on you or don’t believe in you are NOT the people you need to spend the majority of time around.

This could mean you need some new friends.

There is the possibility you would benefit from the counsel of a few sessions with a FreeMyAddict Coach.

Many of the things bring you down can be talked through. A FMA coach can be resourceful and will be in your corner for ‘change my life’ work. You don’t need to live with the ‘hate my life’ attitude. Get committed to real change.

How have you made changes in your life? Let us know in the comment section below.


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Here’s What 28 Other People Thought...

  1. james

    the regular e-mails i recieve you are really helping to keep me focused. i have bought the Melody Beattie book, co dependant no more, and am really realy trying to focus on me. James was admitted to hosptial with a clot on his lung and is quite poorly, and is also on wafarin which means he should not drink alcohol, he is scared so i am praying that he can make the right choice and maybe have a life. he is only thirty years old.

    • FreeMyAddict Team

      Life threatening events are opportunities for an alcoholic to change course. I trust James will get the help and support he needs to stay clean. It could make a life and death difference.

    • Terri

      I love that book, have read it over and over…I continue to wave at my spouse from the other side of the bridge. Connecting with others that have walked in your shoes really helps me. Blessings to you.

      • FreeMyAddict Team

        So many people have benefited from the Big Book it’s a real must read for anyone who lives with an alcoholic.

  2. Kat

    Oh man this one is right in there today, it is amazing to me how God slips the word to us, The last two days has been rough on rod and especially me, i have had to listen to his mental anguish he has been working on a deck and see before he would always drink and make his problems seem worse, i was almost ready to go buy him a 6 pack just so i wouldn’t have to listen to ugly , but i now know he has to find himself in all this because he never knew himself , and i was always to blame, this is a new game of life, i have to now get along with someone i wouldn’t have dated let alone marry , i know there is a better man in there and maybe just maybe it is making me a better woman , God please help me with patient! lot of it!

    • FreeMyAddict Team

      Once an alcoholic gets off the booze there’s one of three things that will happen. One, they find serenity and peace of mind Two, they live in anguish over the fact they can’t use alcohol or Three, they relapse.

      It takes time for an alcoholic in recovery to find peace of mind. Hang in there, with support I trust he’ll find it.

  3. robin

    Have I hated my life with Derek Yes to the point of suicidal thoughts ….And then I prayed to simply love him the Jesus loves him…No more No less.
    Unconditional love is not easy. I am still learning. wouldn’t I just love a life with a sober man …yes! But if it’s not Derek its not the life I chose. perhaps he will get sober,stay sober. I can still love Him while he searches, decides. And pray.holding on to the idea of hate will open doors best left closed. Forgive every chance that presents itself. never go to bed angry or with regret. Forgive it all all the time don’t let hate take up space in your life the price is too high to your health alone. thank you

    • FreeMyAddict Team

      Right on, Robin. “The price is too high to let hate take up space in your life”. I couldn’t have said it better. Unconditional love is very hard to do but it’s certainly the goal.

    • kat6

      Hate does not let love grow arguing does not let understanding in , Their logic is not logic at all but merely all they see because of the drink, yes stay close to the bible word of god and church , see if someone from church can befriend you or better yet even a AA sponsor for they know your trials more then you do, i connected with a sponsor for rod sake because he did not know how, they say they have to do it well sometimes you have to help,hang in there sister robin , we love them yes, but we do not have to become them right?

      • FreeMyAddict Team

        Very true. Well stated.

  4. Dee

    Thanks for the very good advice! “Change my life,” needs to exceed the “hate my life,” thoughts. Action starts with thoughts. First maybe it would help to have gratitude that we CAN make changes, and make little changes that will lead up to a big change. For example, save our pennies, get a separate bank account, etc., so we can be independent. Make a list of changes we can make now AND changes we don’t feel we can make now but want to make. Look at the list often. I’m going to take my own advice now!

    • FreeMyAddict Team

      Great ideas, Dee. Often it’s the focus on the big change we wish would happen that distracts us from the very simple small changes that add up over time. Your practical advice is very helpful.

  5. David

    I have a hard time believing in myself when it seems all I do is fail and let people down. It’s not that my life is really bad, it is actually pretty good except for the drinking. My husband is very functional. He is actually better than me. And I have great kids and grandkids. We get along really well. My problem is I’m not any good at living my life. I’m underemployed, I’m fat and out of shape, I’ve been a student too long dragging out writing a final paper, and I’m moody and sleepy all the time. I feel like my failures are just giving him an excuse to drink and maybe he is right. I’m just so tired of it all but mostly I’m just tired of me. I try and fail and I try and I fail so many times, I’m just sick of it. But I am kind of like a rusty jalopy; no one is sure exactly why it keeps running but it does, despite the smoke, the stutters, and falling off fenders. That I suppose is my strenth. I will try Dee’s suggestion about a list of small things to make now and needed changes for later. Not a to do list, I make myself crazy and set myself for failure with those things, but a list of changes I want to make. Mayhap that will help. Thanks.

    • FreeMyAddict Team

      Remember failure is never final unless you give up. Most success is arrived at out of some failure preceding it. Give it your best.

      • For real! the only reason you think I’m a loser is because you walked out before the fight was over. Just because somebody is down doesn’t mean they’ve lost!

      • FreeMyAddict Team

        Words hurt, often when spoken and other times when there’s no one to listen.

      • Terri

        Love it! Keep on Truckin’ has a brand new meaning!

      • FreeMyAddict Team

        Thanks Terri.

    • kat

      David, in response to your comment i have to say this, i used to say this, until i read something in the bible in Thessalonians i think,” YOU ARE WHAT YOU SPEAK! WHAT YOU SPEAK WILL HAPPEN, SO do not speak these thing, say to yourself , you are a nice person, you are a great person, you are going to find your self, you will have friends , you will get him and you will be good at it, you will have energy and you will look good, start with going shopping to goodwill if you must but start put on something new, do not let people dictate to you, you are NOT a loser, no one is perfect we are not looking for perfect but just to be what God would want us to be , that’s all your taking with you is what you have done for others so make it a good one , let me give you an example one day my daughter brings a boy friend home, i do not want to dislike anyone she brings home but he was not my choice for her and somehow i knew he wasn’t for her, but in my haste i said to rod, i hope that horse he rides with her will buck him off, of course i knew the horse wouldn’t she was a loving horse and we had 4 yr old on her, but he Lord had something to show me, THAT HORSE BUCKED HIM OFF, SO BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU SPEAK IF YOUR IN OBEDIENCE WITH GOD IT WILL BE SO , LOV YA !

      • FreeMyAddict Team

        What we say to ourselves is a powerful influence on who we believe we really are.

    • kristie

      Everyone has things they need to change, but the important thing is that we recognize them, want to make them better and then try to….start small, with one thing and chip away at it piece by piece and before you know it, you will have accomplished a big feat!!

      • FreeMyAddict Team

        Persistence and patience accomplishes more change than anything else. Thanks Kristie

  6. I love my life. I’ve been through hell and that is why I appreciate each of my blessings no matter how small. I’ve learned to show gratitude; to say thank you out loud and in prayer often. What I’ve found is difficult in dealing with addicts is that they only interpret enabling as support. The only people they listen to are the ones patting them on the back and aiding them in perpetuating their lies. That is scary. Because as much as you love them, unconditionally no doubt, they will still treat you like enemy number one if you hold them accountable for their actions. I wish they realized that it’s the enablers that really don’t believe in them. It’s the people who have the most faith in you that will hold you accountable even if that means suffering the consequences of your actions. but I’ve learned to expect to be treated like enemy number one. That’s fine. they eventually learn for themselves; sometimes the hard way is the only way. That’s where being grateful for the little things comes in; this way you’ll find you always have something to smile about. personally it’s helped me to separate the bad things some people say about me from the belief I have in myself. I’ve also learned to use those negative comments as highlighters. because only those comments that you already partly believe are the ones that really hurt you. take “you’re fat” for example. it hurt to hear somebody say this to me because I knew I’d gained 20 lbs. So what did I do? started to exercise 5 days a week. Now I look and feel better. I turned someones drunk rantings and used them as a spring board to make myself healthier. “you’re a loser” was yet another hurtful ranting. Coming out of homelessness last year this comment struck right at my heart (which I’m sure was the target) but instead of believing it I’ve applied for a masters degree program as well as two state certifications in teaching and behavior analysis. at this point I’m taking every negative , hurtful statement and turning them into motivators. At this rate I could be president in twelve years! Lol! Bring it on!!!

    • FreeMyAddict Team

      I love your approach to negative comments. It’s a choice on our part to take them personal and let them destroy us or to use them as a tool to work toward self improvement.

      Thanks for your comments.

    • kat


      • FreeMyAddict Team

        Thanks Kat

  7. james

    reading all your words of wisdom, gives me the strength to go on. I will pray tonight for James and you all.
    god bless


    • FreeMyAddict Team

      Thanks Diane, We wish you well with James.

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