Get Rid of Blame Once And For All

blame

I remember when my children were just little.

One of them would do something and when confronted about it the most amazing thing happened.

They decided to blame each other for what happened.

Often there were no one initially owned up to actually take responsible for the event.

Why blame?

When you or your alcoholic choose to blame the focus is taken off individual responsibility.

For your alcoholic the idea is to deflect from the prime objective…to use alcohol.

The effort to get someone to take up their responsibility can often come across as blame.

The arguments go like this, “You did (blah, blah, blah)” only to receive the retort, “Well, you did (blah, blah, blah).”

You see how the result is no one takes responsibility.

Personal responsibility

The antidote for blame is personal responsibility.

What this means is simple even though it may take time to master the principle.

Take responsibility for whatever you Think, Feel, Say or Do.

Nothing more and nothing less.

This means your alcoholic IS responsible for whatever he/she Thinks, Feels, Says or Does.

You don’t need to take on your alcoholic’s responsibility.

You’re not responsible to point out his/her faults.

Internal blame

When things don’t go well you might find yourself having thoughts of blame.

“Why did I…”

When you blame yourself for someone else’s behavior much destruction to your self esteem happens.

I’m sure you’ve heard the adage “Don’t cry over spilled milk”.

The idea behind this isn’t to ignore the milk was spilled but rather to pick up on personal responsibility and move on.

There’s no purpose served by beating yourself up for past decisions.

When you take responsibility it can only be done in the HERE and NOW. The past is gone and the future isn’t certain.

Here and Now is all we have.

Forgiveness

I wonder what would happen if you were to forgive yourself and others for the past and commit to personal responsibility each day.

Maybe your alcoholic wouldn’t have you to pick up the pieces of his/her responsibilities any longer.

I’m certain, if you finally forgive yourself and take personal responsibility for your HERE and NOW there will be a change in your situation.

If you alcoholic doesn’t change, you will.

I vs YOU

In your conversations there’s a way to tell if you’re going into blame or if you’re taking personal responsibility.

When statements are made to someone else do you use

  • I think…
  • I feel…
  • This is my opinion…
  • I’ve decided to do this…
  • or is it more like:

  • You think…
  • You feel…
  • You’re wrong…
  • You make me feel…
  • You always…

You get the idea.

When you take ownership of what you think, feel, say and do the blame game has to end.

How have you overcome blame in your life? Let us know in the comment section below.




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Here’s What 6 Other People Thought...

  1. David

    I’ve been really focusing on the personal responsiblity part of the equation. Lately, I find I am more relaxed in general but especially around my husband, even when he is drunk. It has been easier to just walk away when I don’t want to be around the booze and I’ve been getting more or what I need to do done. I have often taken or given myself the blame for a lot of what goes on in our relationship but I have found that not only does it destroy my self esteem, but it sets me up to not focus on my responsibilities. I just wallow around in guilt. I’ve been letting a lot of that stuff go. It’s a tough battle but I’ve been working on a very bad procrastination habit at the same time and I find just letting go of negativity is important for freeing up energy to get stuff done.

    • FreeMyAddict Team

      When you take charge of your own responsibilities it really is quite empowering plus it feels good!

  2. Kat

    And AGAIN YOUR RIGHT IN THERE, ! yes yes the ever bickering back and forth when arguing with rod was his ever on going you did this and you that and i feel , until i learned i did not have to take one his responsibility bad actions and could finally say to him look you have a problem, and its not my problem but your problem will not leak onto me, i am not responsible for it you are so pick up the pieces forgive and lets move on , yes many times we had this discussion and still do GOSH ITS LIKE ARGUING WITH A 5 YR OLD , OH and i can’t tell you how many times I wanted to say GROW UP!

    • FreeMyAddict Team

      There are similarities to arguing with a 5 yr old. The judgment of your alcoholic is impaired hence usually poor and the 5 year old out of inexperience makes often poor judgment. There’s a big difference however, the 5 year old usually gains experience and does make better choices while the alcoholic continues impaired judgment every time they drink.

      • kat

        yes your right and try every time their not drunk, it effects their memory and ability to function in the real world ,ty

      • FreeMyAddict Team

        For many alcoholics they have little interest in functioning in the real world. It’s all about getting drunk.

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