End Regret: How To Make Good Decisions About Your Alcoholic

tough decisions ahead

Bad decisions are part of life. You’re human.

There’s not enough room on this site to list the bad decisions I’ve made (lol).

So, I’m sure there are plenty of choices you’ve made about your alcoholic husband or in other areas of your life that you regret. What’s done is done.

You can’t change the past, but you can apply a few basic principles that will help you make better decisions.

Imagine you need a new automobile. The first lot you visit has two cars for sale. One doesn’t start, and when it finally does the engine rattles. The body isn’t in too good of shape and the tires are worn.

The other one isn’t much better. Black smoke comes out of the exhaust pipe and on a test drive it veers to the right. Both of them are “clunkers.”

The price for each car is in your range, but parts and labor costs down the road are almost guaranteed.

If you buy either of those cares you’ll probably regret that decision.

Then you go to a lot with 100 cars. Even though the price may be a little higher, you’ll have more options. There’s a better chance you’ll get a good deal and less likely to regret your choice.

This same principle can be applied to your life today. Here’s how.

Explore Your Options

Take the time to get advice from other people, especially someone who isn’t familiar with your situation. They’ll be more objective and tell you the truth. Close friends often won’t do that because they don’t want to hurt you.

If you’ve gotten bad advice in the past it may be that they didn’t understand your situation. You need to have someone who understands and knows how to help. When the water in the well you’ve been drinking from tastes bitter, it’s time to go to another well.

Talk to a member of the clergy, a counselor or someone in Al-Anon. Advice from older, wiser, healthy people who have experience in dealing with your situation or might have “Been there… done that,” could make all the difference when you struggle with your alcoholic husband.

The more advice you get the more options you’ll have.

Examine and Prioritize Your Possible Choices

When you live with someone who drinks it seems you have very few choices. It feels like they are all made by the alcoholic. Let’s apply the principle of how to make effective choices.

Write down all of your options. Options to stay, to go, kick him out or other things you may have thought about. Cross off the “clunkers.” These are the ones you definitely won’t do.

Write a list of pros and cons for those that might be a possibility. It would be a good idea to put the list aside for a day or two, then go back and re-evaluate.

Those with the most pros will probably be your best choice. Now you can prioritize which ones you’re willing to do.

Do What’s Best for You

Ask yourself, “Which option will make my life better?”

Whatever your decision is, you’ll feel confident because you’ve asked for advice, prioritized and made a choice that won’t be a “clunker.”

It’ll be a well thought out and planned decision that will benefit the most important person in your life…YOU!

Have you ever put your own options in writing? It will amaze you what they look like. Share some of your pros and cons about living with an alcoholic in the comments below.


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Here’s What 6 Other People Thought...

  1. yesenia

    I’m 29 years old I have been married for 6 years and my husband is alcoholic I’m about to leave him also forgot to mention that I’m 6 months pregnant and have a 5 year old son, I can’t live with him anymore it’s too painful

    • Tom

      I can feel the pain in your words…and am sorry it has come to this. But apparently you made a decision which is best for you, your 5 year old and also your unborn baby. If you leave you’ll probablly have less drama and chaos in your life which will allow you to focus on your children. It might be a good idea to think about joining us in our LIVE Webinar on Tuesday, March 20. You’ll surely get a few tips on how to begin to focus on yourself.

  2. Jodi

    I am 42 and have a beautiful 3.5 year old with my fiancee Dave.If I leave he will lose everything and I love him too much to let that happen. Just caught him cheating w/ his favorite bartender who is also a self described alcoholic.I am lost,more so than him right now.

    • Tom

      It appears that you and your child aren’t the most important thing in his life…and you’re not even married yet. Do you really want to marry a guy with those kind of behaviors? You may love him…but what kind of life is he going to provide for you? Do you think you’ll be happy? If he continues doing what he’s doing…he’ll probably cause you more pain. Maybe he needs to feel the pain of losing everything for him to make changes in his life. I know this sounds tough…but it’s reality.


    I have been married to an alcoholic now for 10 years…. I feel like I am raising a teenager instead of being in a relationship with ‘supposed’ to be 33 year old man!!! I feel so responsible because he has a heart problem and refuses to take his medication, I also have 2 children 7 and 10 by him and i feel like if I kick him out like I did before he will drink himself to death and I cant live with the guilt of my children not having a father, or maybe even blaming me…. since I am the one who complains and yells at him while he just drinks and actually spends somewhat time with his kids and is “nice” I guess I am co-dependant? I am in so much misery, so unhappy, I just cant do it any longer…. if anyone is willing to talk and has been through this, I probably wont check this again but my e-mail address is misnkali@yahoo.com Any advice is needed right now and very much appreciated, thank you :}

    • Tom

      Your pain is pretty evident and it appears your lost as what to do. You’re not alone. Remember, he’s the one who has to change and his drinking is very detrimental to his health, especially considering his heart condition. Sobering up is his choice…hopefully, he’ll get some help. Until then maybe you need to begin focusing on security and peace for you and the children.

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