5 Tips To Help Stay Optimistic About Your Alcoholic Husband

stay positive

If a pessimist thinks what can go wrong usually will and an optimist believes when things aren’t going well, it’ll get better…

Which one are you?

It might be hard to be optimistic as you cope with your alcoholic husband.

Regardless of your present circumstances, it’s important to stay positive and never give up hope.

Here are a few tips to help maintain a positive and optimistic attitude.

Are your alcoholic’s behaviors really a surprise?

Alcoholics do…what alcoholics do. They’re dishonest, manipulative and use guilt trips to get what they want. You might have dealt with his behavior for quite some time and it won’t be the last.

Accept the behavior as normal for an alcoholic so it doesn’t ruin your day.
You can’t change him even if you try

Alcoholics are self-centered and rigid so, they tend to do things the way they want. This is often described as an “I want what I want when I want it” point of view.

If you try to change your alcoholic husband he might get defensive and probably want to argue or withdraw. We both know where that’s going to go… nowhere.

Understand it’s the alcoholism that causes the distorted behavior. He’s the one who has to make changes in them.

That’s why alcoholics in recovery learn to ‘turn things over’ to their Higher Power. In a similar way you must learn to let go of his behaviors.

Think about good things in your life

Let’s say you have 10 things going on in your life and nine of them are positive. Keep your mind on the ones that are uplifting.

The easiest way to stay optimistic is to make yourself a gratitude list of all the things you’re grateful for (even the simplest ideas help). You’ll be able to read it whenever you start to have negative thoughts for a quick pick me up.

Your list might include a good job, healthy children or your relationship with other family members or friends.

When your mind is focused on the positives, that one negative, your alcoholic husband, won’t rent as much space in your head.

Take control over your future

It might be hard to face, but happiness is your own responsibility.

Make the choice to follow your dreams and pursue your goals.

It’s not your husband’s choice whether you work toward your interests or choose to move forward toward what you want in life.

The only way to find happiness and fulfill your dreams is to take action.

Put your focus on more positive people

Spend time with family and friends who you love and can be a positive influence in your life.

You need to love and be loved.

It’s like the adage ‘what goes around comes around’, make sure it’s love and it’ll be returned.

Do this and your thinking, attitude and behaviors will begin to change. You’ll have a more optimistic outlook on your life.

It’s one more step in your desire to have the peace and happiness that you deserve.

Is there something you do to stay positive? Please share it in the comment section below.


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Here’s What 26 Other People Thought...

  1. Heidi

    It was helpful – Already trying to do most of the things you mentioned. Well, it took a while for me to figure out the stages of his alcoholism, but it finally became apparent. Now I am ready to move on and get myself in a better place.

    • FreeMyAddict Coach

      Isn’t it great when you figure things out? I’m sure you will find that better place.

  2. Marybeth

    When I am at work, the people I work dont know about my husband that he is an alcoholic and I don’t want them to know. Because I make my job my second home kinda sounds crazy, but the girls I work with are very nice and we all talk about exciting things and everyday things. And I find peace here. I leave all my troubles at home and I don’t bring them to work with me.

    • FreeMyAddict Coach

      I’m glad you have a place where you can find a little peace away from the troubles at home. I hope you have have someone to talk to about the burden you bear with your alcoholic. Those burdens are best when lightened by someone who cares.

  3. Kimberly

    I struggle because I see him starting to manipulate my daughters like he does to me. I struggle with the fact that I have to tell them their father is wrong about some of the things he says and does.But I don’t want them thinking these things are ok and acceptable,especially when someday they will meet a man I don’t want them to think that this is the way it is. I also tell them certain things he does says to me are wrong and it’s hard because your not supposed to bad mouth the other parent but I feel like I have to set an example so they make better choices for themselves.It’s really difficult.

    • FreeMyAddict Coach

      Kimberly, Your perception is quite insightful, your daughters very much pick up on the dynamics between you and your alcoholic. When they become the focus of his distorted behavior the results can be quite negative. They need to know he has an illness and they do not deserve to be treated poorly because of it.

  4. Amber

    I recently started Yoga, because I think I deserve serenity, and Yoga helps me to calm my mind. I’ve also started a garden at home. I thought that if I found something I enjoyed, that maybe that would help take my mind off of my alcoholic husband. I absolutely love the idea about the gratitude journal. I think I’m going to start one real soon.

    • FreeMyAddict Coach

      When you start the use of a gratitude journal it will literally amaze you all the good things that happen in your life. It looks like you are doing some great things for your peace of mind.

  5. Sarah

    I am trying my hardest to stay positive. I am making myself busy so I won’t let him get to me.

    • FreeMyAddict Coach

      It’s not always easy to stay positive, but the effort will be rewarded when you stick with it.

  6. Tami

    I recently had an encounter with my husband. He drinks when he has had a bad day, or depressed about something. I understand that is him justifying his drinking. It is usually while Iam at work. I work retail and when I get home he is usually lit up and looking for a fight. The pattern is always the same… he gets mad because I refuse to talk to him when he is in that state… he starts breaking stuff that is mine… he has broken mp3 players, hair straighteners and most recently my glasses. Each time this happens it gets worse and worse. This past time turned really physical… he had me down on the bed and began punching me. How in the world do you stay positive in an instance like this?

    • FreeMyAddict Coach

      Tami, You need to be safe. It’s imperative that you refuse to accept violence from him. Please note the article on our site 7 Places to Get Help If You’re Dealing with an Alcoholic. There is a link regarding domestic violence. The MOST IMPORTANT thing is for YOU to be safe. Once you can assure that then we can work on how to become positive.

  7. colleen

    I find alanon is very helpfull. I am now taking care of me and doing things I enjoy and leaving him to his own higher power.

    • FreeMyAddict Coach

      Great! Al-Anon is a great group and you meet people who understand what you face every day.

  8. Jodi

    I started making the rules and that has empowered me. I made him pack a bag and leave it by the front door, as a reminder that it’s his choice.It’s only been four days,but at least it’s been peaceful and reminded me what it should be like.I am not his victim.

    • FreeMyAddict Coach

      Excellent! It may seem like a little step but it’s a big step in the right direction. I see three phrases that speak volumes to me 1. Empowered me 2.been peaceful and 3. not his victim. You are doing some good things Jodi.

  9. Jamie

    Being positive is very hard when says negative things to me. I am now living my own life. I go and do as I please and he stays home in his chair and drinks. It’s not a fun life but I love him in spite of it.I have no girl friends as I am retired. The advice in this article is very good.

    • FreeMyAddict Coach

      When you hear the negative things come out of his mouth, remember it’s the alcohol talking. It may be a good time to consider an alanon meeting where you can meet some people who understand what you go through. The people you meet there can become good friends. Check out our online membership where you will be able to meet with others who share your concerns. It’s a place where you can encourage others and be encouraged yourself. Hope to see you there. Did I say there will be a coach in the membership area every weekday? Yes, it’ll be awesome.

  10. Tracy B.

    After years of begging and pleading and keeping his ‘dirty little secret’- I’m done. I left him and moved in with my sister. She (and everyone in my family) is really glad that I left AGAIN (not my 1st time). But the mental aspect of being married to him for 26 years is really hard. I really hope he quits but that is not my fight anymore. I am lost to the point that I can’t even see a future for myself. I feel like I’ve lost everything. I’m embarrassed and ashamed of myself for the things I’ve lived with and with the ungodly amount of times I’ve taken him back. How do I move on for me?

    • Tom

      You can’t change the past, and in your case the choices you made regarding him. But you can change the future. What’s done is done. Don’t let your past prevent you from moving forward in life. Focus on yourself…especially your gifts, talents, goals and dreams. Don’t let anybody or anything stop you from being happy!

      • Tracy B.

        Time and attitude does help! I’m living in a small portion of my sisters basement after leaving my spouse,was just told that my transmission is going out and I’m unemployed. It could be really easy to lose it right now but actually I feel pretty good and only look at these things as a stepping stone to get to a better place where I can find peace. This site and a few books from the library have really helped my outlook on life! Thank you so much!

      • Tom

        I think this is what a lot of people need to hear. Time and attitude does help. I heard that our “attitude affects our altitude.” That’s so true. We go through tough times in our life…but we learn and grow from them. For me it’s keeping an attitude during the tough times of “I’m going to get through this” not “I don’t know if I’ll get through this.”

  11. kavitha

    i m married for 3 yrs and since the day of my marriage i m unhappy with my alcoholic husband. when he drinks he keeps talking all rubbish and i loose my temper. i m tortured with his words and i start shouting. i m unable to share it with anyone of my family. he has hurt me as much as possible in my life.. i cant even live him and go… how do i b positive with this situation. please help. life is been miserable till today from the day i m married…

    • FreeMyAddict Team

      Kavitha, You’re not alone in how you feel about life with your alcoholic. It appears to me your expectations were very different to what you found out once you were married to him. Alcoholic’s have very poor judgment, poor impulse control, poor boundaries and most often don’t have a clue how much they hurt others.
      Know first of all his alcoholic problem is NOT your fault and you are not responsible for it whatsoever.
      You can learn to not respond to his behavior. You may even decide you’re not going to put up with it.
      In any regard. You have decisions to make and YOU need to become important in how you decide. Don’t put yourself last when it comes to what you decide to do.
      We do offer free consultation with a donation to our site.
      Thanks for your comment.

  12. Diana

    I live with a functional alcoholic for 15 years, during the day he is a sucsesfull businessmen, his workers adore him, most of our frineds think his is a very fun person to be around however, for the past 3 years some of our closest people started to see that his drinking is a problem since all of us have kids and our kids are around us when we are getting togheter . He drinks 6 days of the week, on the weekends it starts even before noon time. We have two kids, boys 10 and 6 years old, my heart breaks to see them wanting to talk to him in the evening about their day or play with him but the only thing my husband is interested is to go outside to the porch with a drink to smoke. My whole family lives in another country I am all alone with this problem, I was able to keep myself on a positive side but for the past two years It has been very difficult. I became very distracted, no self-esteem, scared and alone. I have gained a great amount of weight because I started find comfort in food and my unhealthy, tired and overweight look adds to my frustration. In contrast to him to be such a fun person I look as someone very boring and unsocial hoverer, I love socializing but current situation making our social life very minimum, when I see him at the party drinking like there is no tomorrow I can angry inside of me and leave. I come from a great family where alcohol was consumed only on holidays, this is a very difficult situation I often ask God ” what I have done wrong that I have to go trough this?”

    • FreeMyAddict Team

      Diana, your observations suggest your husband is progressing with his alcohol dependence. It is amazing how functional a person who is addicted to alcohol can be. This doesn’t mean they are not addicted it just means they function in spite of cognitive impairment. It sounds like you sort of lost yourself in his problem and need a new direction. I encourage you to read the articles on enabling on this site. Also I recommend you attend an Al-Anon meeting in your local area. You’;; find others who have had similar issues. The first focus needs to be on you and for your children.

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